Dr. Blue Man

Don't Try; DO!

I hear “I’m trying” a lot.  Two thought always come to my mind thanks partly to the power of media.  The first is Yoda’s comment in Star Wars, “there is no try, there is only do or do not”.  The second is Nike’s words of wisdom- “just do it”.  To me “trying” is a halfhearted effort to succeed, which implies the distinct possibility of failure. Trying implies that a thing is hard to do, and that it may very well not get done. There are only two things in life that you and I can control - YOUR efforts and YOUR attitude.  Everything else is outside your control to some extent.  Trying seems to bring with it the negative "but" and the negative "if."

Trying is vying, vying for time; vying for attention. It implies a struggle, a struggle that you may very well lose. Trying is buying, buying an excuse to fail even before you meet the challenge. Trying is lying, lying to yourself, and that's not what you need.

Either we do a thing or we don't. Either we are doing something or we're not. Trying is a poor excuse for doing. If you want to do something, then forget about trying and DO IT.

Trying implies that there is a large doubt in your mind that you will accomplish that which you are supposedly trying to do. Don't sell yourself short. Don't entertain such a large doubt in your theater of trust. Don't look for a way out before you even jump in. Don't accept the presumption of possible failure before you begin to do what must be done. Don't "try" to do what you can do. 

Nike says “Just DO IT”, and let the trying be done by all those around you who are merely trying. 

3 C’s of Rapport Building = Communication Skills

There is so much to say and learn about this.  There are books, seminars, and classes that address it.  As it relates to us and our business, have you ever wondered why some people can “click” or connect with such a wide variety of people?  Have you ever wondered why some people seem so at ease in different social situations?  Have you ever wondered why some people seem to say the right thing and others seem to have their foot constantly in their mouth?  It seems to me that the answer to these questions can be found in the concept of people skills- more specifically rapport building and communication skills. 

We have all met people that we just didn’t “click” with.  Communication is based on what I call the 3 C’s.  

Connecting, Commonality, and Clues.  

Connecting is the skill of getting on the same wave length as the person you are communicating with.  Some communication experts indicate that we should match speed, expressions, and other nonverbals to give us the best opportunity of connecting.  Commonality is finding a basis for communicating in the first place.  This why so may conversations start with “what do you do”?  “where are you from”? and “do you know”?  What we should be seeking in these situations is some level of commonality that we can build upon.  Finally, clues.  Clues are the verbal and nonverbal indicators that people give in a conversation.

Perhaps a couple of stories will illustrate some of the concepts.  

Janice and I were shopping and as we checked out the cashier asked us if we were having a party.  Janice said, “No, the boys are coming home from college and this food is mostly for them”.  The cashier, went in to what I can best describe as a tirade about how college was such a “rip-off” and she was encouraging her son not to go and then shared that she was poor, her parents were poor, as were her grandparents and that was the “good way” to live because there are a lot of miserable people with money.  Janice and I stood there totally speechless.  The attitude was one of condemnation and in our opinion sheer stupidity.  As we reflect on that experience let’s look at the 3 C’s.  Did she connect with us?  Obviously, no.  Did she establish any level of commonality?  Again, no, as a matter of fact she went in the opposite direction by “pushing” her opinion which was the opposite of ours.  Finally, did she pick up the “clues”?  Again, no, she continued her “ravings” about the “stupidity of our lifestyle”. 

Let’s look at an example that is not as blatant and unfortunately much more prevalent.  

We were at a graduation party and an acquaintance of ours asked me how our sons did in college.  I opened my mouth to respond (with my proud dad answer about our kids making the deans’ list) and before I said a word, he changed the subject to his kids.  I left there reflecting did he not really want to know about how our kids did?  Or did he just want to talk about his?  Or does he need some work on his communication skills and learn like many of us how to listen better?  I think it is the latter.

I would like to suggest a “homework” assignment for each of you.  Do some serious people watching over the next few weeks.  Notice how you communicate with others- both strangers and those you know.  Are you connecting?  Are you finding areas of commonality?  Are you picking up the clues?  As you watch others, can you pick out those that are good rapport builders and those that aren’t?  

Confidence - where does it come from?

It seems to me that there are at least two levels or dimensions of confidence.  One is a task oriented confidence.  Can you fix a faucet?  Can you sew a button?  Can you cook a steak?  But there is another, and in my opinion much more important one, which may be called primary confidence.  This is what people see and respond to.   This is confidence that comes when you are confident with yourself, because you know that you can overcome the next obstacle in the road.  This confidence comes from trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and finally succeeding.  It comes from falling down and getting back up and knowing that you will get back up.  It comes from the down deep feeling and knowledge that you will overcome.  

Think about people in your life that you believe to be “self-confident” (appropriately, I might add).  Are they confident in EVERY task they attempt?  No of course not.  But that doesn’t diminish their confidence does it?  Why?  Because it more than just related to a task.

Application: Reflect on all the obstacles that you have overcome.  Start to think of your business as another one.  

Economic Dichotomy

We live in a very interesting time-economically.  Dictionary.com defines dichotomy as “division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups”.  At this exact moment in time we have more Americans declaring personal bankruptcy than ever before.  The statistics are staggering.  One stat I read indicated that over 1.5 million people would declare personal bankruptcy this year and that figure is up 30-40% from last year.  Those “statistics” are even more sobering when you realize that they are your neighbors, friends, business associates, and relatives.  

At the same time, at this exact moment, one of the fastest growing minorities in America is millionaires, specifically home-based millionaires.  How can those two things simultaneously be true?

One of the big reasons for this is the further demise of the middle class.  It is disintegrating right before our eyes.  This brings up a question each of us must answer- which of those two groups do you want to be part of?

Hung by the Tongue

Some people just have a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.   It can be the beginning of the conversation.  It can come in the middle, other times it is the last thing said in a conversation.  Some call it being, “Hung by the Tongue!”

You and I see it everyday.  A state trooper pulled a man over for speeding on a deserted road. Since the road was clear and the weather fine, the trooper had indicated that he may not give the man a ticket, and let him off with a warning. He even complemented both the man and his wife for wearing their seatbelts. At that point the woman leaned over and said, “Well, officer, when you drive the speeds we do, you have to wear them.” That’s when the trooper wrote the ticket. Hung by the Tongue!

There is an ancient Japanese proverb that says, “A tongue three inches long can kill a man six feet tall.”

If you are continually being “hung by your tongue,” you can be “loosed from the noose” if you would just learn to engage your mind a little bit before you speak! Here’s the process: Think... then speak! I believe that we need to make our words sweet—just in case we have to eat them!

The words of your mouth are a creative force. They play a big part in predestining your future. Your words are the architects of your life. The tongue is like a tool. We need to use our tools of the present to build the future we desire.

You see, your future will someday be your present. Your present will someday be your past. You can chart the course of your future by your compass... your tongue. It will guide you like a rudder... into either troubled waters or a calm sea. But, don’t be misled... it WILL guide you.

If you can change what you think about, you can change what comes out of your mouth. What comes out of your mouth will someday be in your future.

The words you speak create an atmosphere. If you are going to have a meeting and you really pump it up and build it, what happens? People come with expectancy! They come excited. Your words have set the stage for success! One of the foundational revelations of a wise leader is to learn to control his or her words!

Remember, Samson slew 1,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Way too many businesses, lives and relationships are destroyed with the same weapon.

Refuse to be... Hung by the Tongue

Prescribed by,