In my opinion, one of the biggest challenges of this business is instilling self confidence and personal credibility into your team. The world sucks it out of all of us. But that obstacle, like so many can be overcome - but how. I believe it is a little knowledge and a lot of action. So let’s start with a little knowledge.
Having confidence means you believe in yourself and that you trust your own judgment and resourcefulness. In his many books on self-esteem, Dr. Nathaniel Branden defines self-esteem as the sum of self-confidence and self-respect. For him, self-confidence is when you know that you have the wherewithal to function reasonably well in the world.
I had a professor in grad school named Dr. Jennings who believes that there are really two levels of self confidence- primary and secondary. Primary self confidence according to Dr. Jennings is the knowledge that whatever life throws at you, you can overcome. His research indicates that this comes from failing and getting up, and failing and getting up. In other words, you feel competent to make choices, competent to satisfy your needs, to chart the course for your life. Having confidence in specific situations, such as in gaining influence with someone, flows from a general self-confidence about your ability to meet life’s challenges.
A person who exhibits confidence appreciates a sincere compliment and doesn’t brush it off. A confident person is comfortable giving, and receiving, compliments. He’s also able to handle criticism if it comes his way because he basically likes himself and knows that a single negative incident won’t change that.
Confidence in yourself is built up over time. You can fake confidence, and you may need to at first, but real self-confidence comes from a history of small victories and accomplishments that add up to a sense that you can handle yourself well in most every situation. I suggest you take an inventory of the major accomplishments you’ve achieved over the past few years. Then remind yourself of the minor ones, too. What about the computer course you completed? What about joining YTB? What about speaking to that group at church? Did you know that public speaking is the #1 fear in America? What about your marriage and those kids you’re raising? That is an accomplishment. Don’t be falsely modest. Tell the truth about how hard you worked and what sacrifices you’ve made. If you can’t think of any, then begin by congratulating yourself for living as long as you have. Sheer survival is an accomplishment these days! Seriously, it pays to take the time to know your strengths and appreciate them. What’s unique about you? What skills do you bring to an organization or project that you can count on?
Dr. Tony Alessandra says that, “Confidence is a fundamental trait for flexibility. It’s hard to be flexible when you’re fearful or easily intimidated. Confidence is indispensable if you want to engage someone’s attention.”
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