There
is so much to say and learn about this.
There are books, seminars, and classes that address it. As it relates to us and our business, have
you ever wondered why some people can “click” or connect with such a wide
variety of people? Have you ever
wondered why some people seem so at ease in different social situations? Have you ever wondered why some people seem to
say the right thing and others seem to have their foot constantly in their mouth? It seems to me that the answer to these
questions can be found in the concept of people skills- more specifically
rapport building and communication skills.
We have all met people that we just didn’t “click” with. Communication is based on what I call the 3 C’s.
Connecting, Commonality, and Clues.
Connecting is the skill of getting on the same wave length as the person you are communicating with. Some communication experts indicate that we should match speed, expressions, and other nonverbals to give us the best opportunity of connecting. Commonality is finding a basis for communicating in the first place. This why so may conversations start with “what do you do”? “where are you from”? and “do you know”? What we should be seeking in these situations is some level of commonality that we can build upon. Finally, clues. Clues are the verbal and nonverbal indicators that people give in a conversation.
Perhaps a couple of stories will illustrate some of the concepts.
Janice and I were shopping and as we checked out the cashier asked us if we were having a party. Janice said, “No, the boys are coming home from college and this food is mostly for them”. The cashier, went in to what I can best describe as a tirade about how college was such a “rip-off” and she was encouraging her son not to go and then shared that she was poor, her parents were poor, as were her grandparents and that was the “good way” to live because there are a lot of miserable people with money. Janice and I stood there totally speechless. The attitude was one of condemnation and in our opinion sheer stupidity. As we reflect on that experience let’s look at the 3 C’s. Did she connect with us? Obviously, no. Did she establish any level of commonality? Again, no, as a matter of fact she went in the opposite direction by “pushing” her opinion which was the opposite of ours. Finally, did she pick up the “clues”? Again, no, she continued her “ravings” about the “stupidity of our lifestyle”.
Let’s look at an example that is not as blatant and unfortunately much more prevalent.
We were at a graduation party and an acquaintance of ours asked me how our sons did in college. I opened my mouth to respond (with my proud dad answer about our kids making the deans’ list) and before I said a word, he changed the subject to his kids. I left there reflecting did he not really want to know about how our kids did? Or did he just want to talk about his? Or does he need some work on his communication skills and learn like many of us how to listen better? I think it is the latter.
I would like to suggest a “homework” assignment for each of you. Do some serious people watching over the next few weeks. Notice how you communicate with others- both strangers and those you know. Are you connecting? Are you finding areas of commonality? Are you picking up the clues? As you watch others, can you pick out those that are good rapport builders and those that aren’t?
